loose live doodling conversation with my tribe & friends
loose live doodling conversation with my tribe & friends
I’m bringing to you
from the core of my heart
the blessing and seeds
which will bloom and bear fruits
yield all and allow
my voice, my warm touch
of love for all
Heart core grounding
I see you bearing seeds
Your face is musing
With hypnotic gaze
Guard and accompany
Your warm and tender touch
Tell me where are we bound?
“To full bloom and rich fruits
Of abundance in love.”
SHE: Pray, what has brought you to me dear?
ME: I felt the glow in your heart, your deep bow to mother earth, your head in the stars…
SHE: Yes, I have seen many worlds, many stars and humans in their ongoing struggles…I am here for them with my wings of clay from earth, with the sky as testimony and Big Spirit guiding me, sharing it’s light and dance…I was flying once, but now I’m here for you to see, look deep…
ME: Your tender eyes, that red glow you carry warms me up and your reflection of the heart fills mine with joy … your embrace, say is it for me?
SHE: For you and all dear, I’ve had many a broken arm from intermingling with you humans, not so the tiger, the condor, the bear…
ME: You bring the light in the starry night, are you from Moon?
SHE: From many planets and Moon, yes. Life comes and goes on them, we’re all here for Earth now… there’s danger and all efforts are needed to join forces…
(Deep emotion and sighs rise in me at this, a push in the heart, some pain, the serpent…)
ME: and the dark wings, will they come over us?
SHE: Yes, darkness will come, will have it’s show of might for all to know and feel and bring light inside them, light in the heart and connection to all… all lilltle candle lights and beams each one who’s in the light of heart and mind together will put on, will help all others to come though the blackest night…
ME: Oh, thank you for your message, I will cherish it and spread it in your service and with the blessing of Big Spirit
SHE: Thank you my dear, come into my arms and touch my heart
(it feels good and warm and sweet… my sacral bone is activated)
NOTES FOR INTERVIEW WITH JOHN DAVIS
(Written before the call and not revised after it)
When I am learning at my best I am threefold, one after the other but also joined as one:
1. When I choose my field of inquiry and develop my strategy and vision through pointing my compass, drawing a rough map and coming up with the guiding metaphors/images/source code
I am open, centered, in and with my human instinct and intuition, feeling and seeing through, listening to the inner voice and guide and the outer echoes, sensing the vibrations, sounds and colors.
2. In the observational and experiential moments, when I go out on the field, I immerse myself, intermingle and interact, living the experience in first person with my body-mind directly and fully:
I am like an eagle, a horse and a fish: in the air, on the ground, underwater, I am like an animal experiencing reality in an immediate direct way with all senses and emotions open to receive and interact.
3. In the moments of synthesis, when I review the stages of observation and research bearing in mind my matrix to gather together establish and consolidate my learning experience:
I am like a multimedia artist working on a mosaic of images, sounds and words, layered and spread out to fill in the puzzle which is the compilation of my source code of the start, but unlike a software it is unexpected, lived day by day and new. Anomaly and wonder have a place in it and so has the interaction between the digital and analogic/associative approaches.
DRAWING AND ROUGH NOTES AFTER THE INTERVIEW
After the call, John asked me to do a drawing.
I took notes on the process flow, tracking the steps, thoughts, actions in a multi voice/layer stream: action/description, thought/ observation, comments. The original hand written copy of the notes is attached. The resulting text contains some additions, mostly comments, which are not present in the handwritten notes.
A DRAWING ADVENTURE
I took paper from the xerox machine, A4 sheets for the notes and A3 for the drawing.
I went around the office desks to gather all the color pens I could find .
there wans’t much, only those kind of phosphorescent pens used for highlighting text
I took a long book (catalog) from the shelf to help draw straight lines.
I connected to my feelings and emotions resulting from the interview.
I started looking at the A3 white sheet and proceeded to divide it in 3 triangular sectors, the middle one pointing up.
I then inscribed a circle in this middle triangle free hand.
“this looks a bit lousy”
all three triangles did not have sides drawn on the edge of the sheet
I decided to go look for some circular object to help me draw a proper circle. I looked around the office, tried a CD box but it was too small for a circle touching the sides of the triangle.
I went out to the kitchen to look for something else.
I tried a cup and a fruit plate: too small or too big.
In the sideboard with glasses I noticed a porcelain old white vase with top cover and blue enamel.
On its cover the writing “Diasor Bum”, on the vase “Ens Veneris”
I recognized the vase as an object which had been around my father’s house. (see pictures).
No way of decoding “Diasor Bum”
For “Ens Veneris”:
An early name for a chemical and medicinal preparation later combined with Flores martiales or Martial flowers under that name, since the Royal College of Physicians considered them insufficiently distinct. It was prepared from a mixture of COLCOTHAR of GREEN VITRIOL and SAL AMMONIAC sublimed until it attained a ‘beautiful yellow colour’ [Pemberton (1746)]. Not found in the OED
after having drawn the circle, I decided to turn the drawing upside down, with the middle triangle pointing it’s open arms upwards.
I look at the sheet: I have 1 circle and 3 triangles. While drawing I had used my hands to get an idea of the surface in dividing the space. Now I retake a kind of very rough measure: in the 2 lateral triangles I can fit two times my hand, in the central one 3 and in the circle one (my hands are medium/small): 8 hands in all.
I feel stuck with the lines: they don’t flow, they are there only to create the partitions, but I will then have to handle them.
I line up the colors I found: orange, pink, light blue, violet, yellow, black, red (besides the pencil I used for lines and circle). I will use color moving from instinct.
I start filling in the circle with light blue and the small triangle under it with violet.
Then I go over the center of the circle with yellow.
I ask myself. “what to do with orange”?, “how can I intervene on the lines”?
I pick up the thick black pen
I feel the color: difficult, strong, definitive but at the same time a non-color. Once you put it down, that is draw with it, no other color can be superimposed on it.
Think the phrase: “the responsible use of black”.
I feel the black pen in my hand, actually the pen feels “light”, I smile and start using the black pen in the right hand triangle in dotted strokes
“should I continue all the way ?” It’s boring to carry this out or maybe not right for the picture…”
I feel like doing longer strokes
I start doing tangle like strokes to finish up filling the section
“I’ve got food for psychologists here…”, “enough with black
I finish up with a black “base” (origin) on the bottom of the upside pointing central triangle.
pink or orange now? I ask myself. I think: “ I never really liked pink so much except in flowers…
Let’s do red, the pen is lousy though…
I like yellow-blue-red Mondrian style
I go for the red and draw a dotted center in the yellow part of the circle with a dotted line going down to the vertex on the bottom. The red pen doesn’t write any more.
I must address this pink now, mmmm…
I focus on the feel of the pink pen and the color: “it’s sweet after all (I don’t like pink marshmallows though)
I let the pink loose on the right side of the central triangle.
Orange? Yes: I like it!
Then I go with the orange and use the two orange pens I have on the left side of the central triangle
Here I wrote down “all my voices” but don’t rember well how it arose, I suppose it refers to the colors…
I think: Uh, the drawing is turning out really ugly! But who cares, I like the process/adventure of doing it.
I now have yellow and violet left: go for yellow, lavishly…
I fill in the left side triangle with yellow
ah, lots of light!, I’ll leave it just yellow like this, empty.
The pink and orange form two separate sectors, let’s intermingle them
I go over with the orange on the pink side and the pink on the orange side of the central triangle.
I cover the pencil line on the left side with violet
I think maybe I have been conditioned by the “threefold” expression I used in the notes. Might I have chosen another form?
I say to the drawing in German (my rediscovered Mother tongue):
“Liebe Zeichnung, bist du häβlich!” (dear drawing, you are ugly!)
IT WAS FUN!
to love each other
in depth and fullness
of heart, mind and soul
to share and be one
in bearing and delivering
a new vision
uniting the tower of babel
of colour and diversity
in thought, language and background
with the one intention of hearts in love
for all to share and be whole again
the magellan is among us
the messiah is in each and all of us
Women, never trust those see(a) men!
They come and go very nonchalant and Gelassen with the tides (and the Moon sees them). Let’s take a look at this ‘Gelassen’: in German going is “Ge-hen”, which could also mean saying “go, hens” to the chicks and if you leave someone you can say “im Stich Lassen”, which means she is left with her needle in her hand doing her hearing and weaving. If you’re good you can listen with your eyes and work out your cloth into a nice tapestry. Yes, eyes and nose have their way. Better call on the Gynecologist to see what’s up…
You can read a bit in your PDF and try to Play, Dance and have Fun all the same, but these philosophers manage to put only a distant Echo of that in the text, with all those German words: usually when you translate into English it gets shorter, but here for one German word you get a field full of meanings approximating that single teutonic rascal…
So let’s practice Lila and Compassion, if your heart is shred in thousand pieces, you can always go and pick them like flowers all over the listening Ground, which is in the end the essence of it all.
So your heart starts throbbing, thinking about the sweetheart out at sea and you go: “Please Don’t Fuss” so much and continue reading your PDF for Hear sake…
At some point your Big Toe hears you Hear Ken out in the garden mowing the grass and you’re reminded of some poem by Robert Frost called “Mowing”:
There was never a sound beside the wood but one,
And that was my long scythe whispering to the ground.
What was it whispered? I knew not well myself;
Perhaps it was something about the heat of the sun,
Something, perhaps, about the lack of sound—
And that was why it whispered and did not speak.
It was no dream of the gift of idle hours,
Or easy gold at the hand of fay or elf:
Anything more than the truth would have seemed too weak
To the earnest love that laid the swale in rows,
Not without feeble-pointed spikes of flowers
(Pale orchises), and scared a bright green snake.
The fact is the sweetest dream that labor knows.
My long scythe whispered and left the hay to make.
A new awareness accompanies my listening presence, my heart feels wide open, an empty space ready to receive in Gelassenheit and create landscapes of perception with the harvest of intake. I still have to train myself in this art of joining my Zuhören with the felt sense of my heart’s Zugehörigkeit, the latter sense of belonging in listening and contact with my “child of joy” has been in the past difficult for me, due to the abrupt and very early separation from my mother and my mothertongue.
A feeling strangely plain and intense accompanies my moving the first timid steps of this new dance of intertwining perception, a calm patience of presence is at hand when nothing seems to happen, keeping away the temptation of ”listening away”. I cherish this new Befindlichkeit and embrace my self in it, awaiting for the stage of new creation and recollection of feminine hearkening.
Feminine spinning and weaving of networks and tapestries remind me of the fairy tale “Sleeping Beauty”: to prevent the evil spell all spinning wheels are banned from the kingdom, but still the princess stings her finger with the spindle and falls asleep for 100 years.
Might Vid be our brave and charming prince of awakening, helping us all restore Gyn/Ecological creation?
my heart is wide awake
an empty full space
all senses ready
to receive and give form
to a new landscape
a special garden
where we can meet and play
and hold hands in joy
(19 february, 2012)
in der Wiederholung meiner Zugehörigkeit
mit meinem Dasein im Klang
höre ich meine Befindlichkeit zu…
(21 february, 2012)