Author Archives: kfkonner

by

Hartshorne: XVI: The Aesthetic Matrix of Values

Acting Rightly -> Goodness

Thinking Correctly -> Truth

Experiencing Well (Satisfyingly) -> Beauty

…. for the value of action is in what it contributes to experiences…. Thinking, Pierce held, is one form of acting, and hence logic as a normative science is a branch of ethics. (303)

Intensity depends upon contrast, amount of diversity integrated into an experience. (303)

It is an aesthetic law of experiencing that without the unforeseen there can be no experience. (306)

… predictability beyond a certain point is a negative value. (306)

Goodness is the self in its purposes transcending the personal future and making itself trustee for others.

How we look backward is how we decide forward…. But today technology produces changes so fast that it seems impossible to assimilate the relevant past fast enough. (318)

by

Behold Me As I Am

What about me triggers you?
>> What do you want from me?

I’m here as representative, asking for your love.
>> Now I have two feelings running simultaneously. Butterflies being scared and crying coming on. How can I love you?

Come inside. You know how.
>> Can I do the outside first?

Sure. I know you see me.
>> You are like the star of India, strung at the top with strands of gold. You’re like a section of the moon’s face, visiting, on top of the sea. Oh! I see the Rabbi, holding in each hand the round scroll of the Torah, leaning over, cloaked with an insignia in the middle of the back, reading. What’s the insignia, the crest? Is that a space age triangular hat I see?

Hahahahahaha. Maybe more like a King, those who must wear hats. Mine is a communication center. Watcha think? Let me spin around.
>> Very spider-esque. And the insignia, the crest?

The same as yours. You will see. Ready?
>> Wait. What about the little Seus fellow in the diamond at the bottom. In between the billy goat beard. He’s lit like an energy source, part of you, and like it’s where you are from. Almost like he’s what you touch the most, where contemplation is is a hand stroking the cape of your beard, like the Wizard of Oz making an appearance.

Ready now?
>> Yes. By elevator this time? But please, My belly makes me feel like it’ll come out my mouth if I drop too many levels at once.

How about this. I’m sending you a magic carpet.
>> Oh. You got me to want to fly in the dark!

Where are you?
>> I’m in the dark and everything is given. Are you teaching me about fighting? That it’s what I make of it even though everything is here.

Um. Is that what you make of it?
>> Hahahahahaha. Hahahahahahaha. Hahahahahahahaha. Hahahahahahahahaha. So I’m reaching through everything to give me. Why am I scared then when what happens is so, strange?

You cover that territory.
>> The special ed of weird stuff?

That’s a put down of both what speaks to you and yourself.
>> I’m sorry. That brings tears. It’s so blasted hard though. Making non-sense of what I’m given.

I imagine that is hard. Feel in.
>> Oy.

Right. Open it up.
>> Stint?

Go to the source. It’s okay. You’re okay. You don’t need to go back.
>> I’m just going to breathe a little. Take the father’s hand and lead him out of perdition. What if I can’t.

Feel in.
>> I will. I mean, I did. The place of I will. Is it already done if I feel that?

That’s resolve. Knowing given. You both can… I hear your inquiry. Talk. Ask.
>> Invite.

Yes. Now go deeper.
>> Why’s everything touching me so much. I feel claustrophobic.

We know. Breathe. It’s just connectors.
>> We. Oh. Representative. Ok. Ummmmmmmmmmmmm. It’s like leeches.

That’s the energy. What else. Right. Use the little fellow. Yes. You are that. We don’t know how it happened. Both of you. Two in one place.
>> But I’m just here with you.

So it seems. Start the other way. Right. Feel. You know this several ways now. All readily available. Creative. Flowing. Yes. It is that easy. You don’t need words. Learn.
>> I want to play piano. To hear me better.

Yes. And chant. And the place. And laugh. This though, is a new reset.
>> Oh. Strength? It pops me out.

Yes. You’ll need that.
>> Constantly it seems.

Why of course. You are that. Don’t be without it.
>> sigh. mmm

Care to reset.
>> Take the hand

by

Give a Listen

I’ve got a non-physical wall around me.  It’s called the curse because also invisible is any memory or logistics that could explain how this wall was erected.  What’s important is what this wall does. It holds my voice in silence.  What I say seems to stay on the inside.  I literally feel the field of silence.  It’s really weird to know I’m being held in a buffer zone. It’s like I don’t transmit or create a net positive effect outside my own sphere of self.  How discouraging, sad, upsetting, and well, imagine being in my shoes…. %!!*&^* fuck!

I’ve taught myself to think a little… to at least have the composure to figure out a question to ask, to get an answer that works. So with the curse, I began with my usual let’s get something happening here question, and asked, what do I want to do about this, which evolved into, how do I get beyond (make it to the other side of) this zone of silence?

Answer: What I have to do is all about giving.  Long story short, it’s time. Time to stop putting myself only into positions in which I receive.  For example, I love learning so I will no longer be a student who isn’t seen and respected for what I have to offer. (One super big reason I love Magellan Courses!!)

Idea for making the answer more: LISTENING IS GIVING. When I don’t listen with full capacity, with open ears and a mind between them not making up stories about what I hear, the person who is hoping I am listening to them, is let down. When I don’t listen, how can I really help? Listening is giving because it responds to a need by another (person, being, place, or thing) to be listened to.  Giving is what listening is always asking of me to do.

I had the following conversation with my self while journal writing on the subject of giving. I was asking my self what I can give. (Me = me. Self = my reply to me.)

Me:   I’m here to give what life has provided me to give, and is asking for it now!

Self:  Love. My work is Love.

Me:   Umm… That translates to? Give me something to work with here please.

Self:   Don’t let it go to waste.

Me:    (offering God) I give you everything. What do you need me to do?

Self:

Me:    Oh. Shoot. You’ve got everything. I don’t mean you need anything. (Dramatically on one knee, looking upwards.) But if you do, need anything, please, let me know. Ask of me, so I can give you what you need.

Self:   I need you to be happy.

Me:    (immediately emotional) You keep giving me such easy things. First, to be my self. And now, to be happy. (as my mind goes to thinking about all the really important things in the world that need to be taken care of)

Self:   Be happy. Really. Do I need to repeat my self?

Me:    Oh. Right. (thinking.. being happy usually getting something, or receiving something that then leads into being happy about.) OK. I got it. Being happy is about giving. (remembering how people always say to me they want me to smile; they want to see me be happy.)

Self:

Me:    I’m working on it. Happy. Giving. What I can do that I’m happy about.

Self:   (Listening)

by

Make Up

I’ve been potentially listening to what is not there. This could be a condition, an influence which leads me to believe I know what I hear, when actually, it’s not even taking place. And so no matter how hard I listen, I am not going to hear anything different unless I have a change of heart. Not sure what else to call it at this moment. Maybe having more dignity and respect for who I am speaking with.

When in conjunction with being respectful, I can actually feel what is true. Everything otherwise (as a condition) is an attachment to a perspective that hears and responds to a pre-set story.

Every day I go through this with Philip Corkill, getting closer to truth, watching layers of conditions unglue themselves from me, being peeled off, and dropping away.

Make up. I’m listening.

by

someplace

I sometimes let out a fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck and nobody knows. So I’m posting here to hear myself listen to what fuck is. Voicing out loud I notice my gut muscles are pumped, my eyebrows scrunch, and the u is elongated as though there were 5 or 6 of the fucks in one. There’s tension, knowing something didn’t turn out as I (probably) already had imagined. Next. Writing fuck 6 times, I am in a completely different place, a very different experience and state. It’s as though fuck is a symbol more here in formed letters than in my body. There is a body sensation, less animated, more subtle.  My belly is hot, coiled, and I feel the words tickling my throat, perhaps to say (say!) outward, not keep in, this fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Listening changes tracks, has different tones, keeps me on my toes, and sometimes, grabs my attention. At times what is necessary is asserting me in whatever track, whatever what that it takes me to notice, to actually listen.

Recently I found I could be on the inside of someone else. I’ve been on the inside of other things like clouds and trees and water and birds. And yes, I’ve connected to the heart field of people half way around the world. But to me that’s a completely different place, a very different experience and state.

This is my new experiment, what presented itself to me, being on the inside, someplace as real as these words are.  So I am wondering whether listening is occurring where I couldn’t have listened before.  I feel this person in a new way. I see as though right there looking with them through their eyes. My eyes are one with theirs. My body is one with theirs. I am as them listening.

by

To Listen

During the Listening ConCall on Sunday, I asked a question and although the words contained the intent to express what I was thinking, the meaning was not understood. Rather than focus on this as the topic of listening (which would be interesting) I am re-wording the question for discussion.

The setting: Phil states that he feels something is missing. He is not sure what is missing; whether we are supposed to have met someone or been somewhere. I am concerned about a flat tire, about finding a service station to fill the tire up before heading onto the highway. If you were sitting in the car with us, you’d feel the jaggedy, hither in multiple directions, chaos.

Phil’s way of figuring out the missing is reading a passage from New Messages. I eat some lunch, allow myself to let go of the tire mission, and listen to the passage/s. Then I decide to basically do my ‘thing’ … I looked outside the car and turned to nature. I tuned in. The trees, the sky, the wind, the feeling of everything. It’s my easy way into heightened awareness. From here to there, from just this, to remembering there’s more than any thought, that thing, the car, the tire, the way I feel.  I saw the wind in the trees, the flip side of leaves. I tasted the moment. I was the motion of the visual, the feeling of being all.

What was missing? I didn’t know. But I asked. I tuned in. And then I shifted back to the car, to Phil, to the words he spoke. I looked at him and smiled. I wasn’t searching. I wasn’t wanting. I was being this feeling of all.

Then I had a thought and I immediately reached for my phone to check emails. I had seen the titles of messages come through after a 5 day hiatus from technology and I remembered Magellan.  So I went quickly through emails to find what I was looking for… a Magellan post about when the Listening ConCall would be.  You see, the last I knew, it was going to be Monday. But I checked because …. because that is what I suddenly had a thought about doing.

And that is how we got onto the call, 36 minutes late.

And here is the reason I spoke up on the call. I thought I heard Vid speak about a formula for listening and I suddenly wanted to know HOW I could become more aware of the space between asking and receiving, between the moment of not knowing, acting upon, and knowing.  (BTW, the Magellan Listening ConCall WAS WHAT WE WERE MISSING. Finding we were missing the call satisfied Phil’s sense of what was missing. So Phil knew we were going to miss some of the call ahead of time, even though he didn’t know specifically what is what he knew. And I, Katherine, went looking for what what was missing and found it.)

Can I lessen the time differential between asking and receiving, listening and knowing?

If Phil knew we were going to miss something (even though it felt to him that we were ALREADY missing something), can I become aware of what is being missed, in ANY SENSE OF TIME?

Could Phil feel that something was missing because that IS WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN NO MATTER WHAT?

Can I tune in at any moment with such precision to find that place where the course of time disperses into multi-verses?

Can I tune in to this world, to see what is missing, to keep our uni-verse eternally alive?

Please, what do I do?  I want to be the all full expression, conscious performance of what is possible. In deep reverence I ask, what can I do for you? Today I discovered the passion to practice using words for beauty, for the knowing which is already there, and which even still can become.  I willingly!! here forth allow my heart to be torn apart, broken.  I implore myself to allow the experience of pain in such dire need for what is missing, any search for home, for the memory of one, the memory of ‘your love, for being the truth of ‘your purpose. I am here to listen and take action. Will you use me. Please….

by

This Listen

This week I have been dumped into an abyss. My language use is wreckless. Of the myriad of reasons why, forget it. I’m not in jail for the havoc I create, although moments of misusing communication does feel like an illegal maneuver. I am however, being made fun of and in continual reconstruction of what I truly can say (thank goodness people ask me to clarify). I’m challenged, feeling like a tortoise next to leopards, and I don’t like the discomfort of fucking up what I say, when I speak. I’m challenged by the climb I find myself on, at night, in the rain, with only my sleep attire on, heading out of the abyss.

 

This listen fills no void

no drum will beat to avoid

attention as this is

is this listening is

 

 

 

by

Listening InTo

1. I wish listening happened so naturally and my response automatically, compassionately articulating what is called for.  This to me means that whatever you need, is responded to. Whatever you want, is spoken clearly about, seen, important to regard. What may still be hidden glimmers for the next opportunity. Listening is a holy compass. A whole beautiful way to live in relation.

2. I often drift while being spoken to and return by feeling into the words I have heard (or are presently being spoken) in order to respond.  I am listening to where the words have taken me.  Sometimes I have to concentrate on lips, eyes, the rise and fall of a breathing chest, in order to just hear the words in the air.  It’s easiest to let the words fall onto me, into my being, and then relate this somehow. I’ve received some training to listen for things that alert me about where another person is speaking from, what it is they are hoping for, and guiding them in the in between place(s).

3. I practice listening to the wind, people, trees, sounds, music … feeling my connection with as many senses as I can. I like to practice adl (any distance listening)

4. A pivotal moment in my life, at 8 years old, is the memory how a classmate answered a teacher and kept changing his answer till he had the right answer, all while the teacher ridiculed him. I listened to the classmate’s pain. This affected me tremendously.

5. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkipsBpOkYI

by

SZ First 75

Spinoza > Indivisible Continuity, the ONE

Leibniz > Infinitely Divisible, the ALL

The mind can only know relation – as opposed to the absolute “thing in itself” free from relation – because there is only relation to be known – infinite relation, “pure” relation – of which knowledge is emergent or transcendent from sub-representational form. (47)

Eternity is senseless without time, boundlessness or emptiness is meaningless without form, and vice versa on all counts. (59)

I’m getting irritated reading Spinbitz. Joel’s writing is not a problem to read, the interpretation of the history of philosophy is very interesting, and I like what I am learning (Spinoza, Leibniz, Kant, and Nagarjunan are all new names to me), so that’s not what’s bugging me.  I am responding to something between the lines.

By page 63 a bubble burst.  I was feeling into myself reviewing my own history of thought, shifts in thinking, influences, chance meetings which I knew in the moment, had unrolled a distinct, still mysterious, path to step into.  Twelve pages later, I decided to make a post to see if I can lessen the disturbance, hoping the process of writing helps assuage the dark feelings that continue to rub me with fervor.  Plus, for the benefit of all those around me, I need this occupation of space, this here writing, as a release valve.

There’s a difference between language used for finding a becoming from who, what and where is being.

I’m no different than Spinoza and Leibniz… looking for a way to live, a way to understand, knowing how to use language which inculcates the highest expressive means for reality.  It’s so fucking irritating though, to suddenly hear all the different cries everywhere, imprisoned beings that clamor for becoming. Professing love is the worst. I actually hear, feel, see, think through, and notice the disparities between what people write and what they are not. Aaagh. This is absolutely (humor) horrible. Language has the ability to box in the current way of being, while becoming possible for thinking to construct a belief (reason, logic, scientific evidence, diagrams, pictures, feelings, heresy) to climb out of the box.  In essence, a person can climb out of the box using words which essentially do not have to demonstrate their being.

Philosophy is the substance from which humanity continues in trial and error, all words, however professed, however actually, absolutely, seen as, being lived. Searching for love because of the felt desire to lessen the gap between thinking one is not there… in love… and what with love is deemed possible.. till that space is zero… till there is absolutely (see, there it is again) no distance between being and becoming.  What is my relation to that? Maybe that’s why I’m irritated. Extending my life in service for something that someone long ago considered possible, and dangled in front of me as a philosophical experiment. Harumpf.

Here’s my exit. Love is loving and not a when, who, or what, but a where. A demonstration of where love is.  My harumpf is an attitude that says love is always here. How silly of me to act otherwise. To not use words that fall short of my knowing.

Along the divide are these questions.

If we only know relation, why is language used as though we know absolutes? If (imperative) we know love, why do we think we are only a demonstration of love when it is an absolute?

by

Alexander 2: 250-320 Form only has life when it is a generated structure

So each is to be distinct, to be an entity. Yet it is to be invisible in order to be lost and not separate from the larger whole. (252) This is really interesting to me. The larger whole must accommodate what doesn’t yet know it’s way. What is lost is really the potential of what will bring the whole together in a new way, What is invisible is actually a support system for what exists, as it is present. Yet the invisible is also present. … Shadows are always present, invisible, a support system for the larger whole, being accommodated until what is held (as greater potential) is called upon, when change requires the necessity of having (its) presence (seen). A question arises for me about the energy transfer between unseen and seen. It’s a chemical equation… Shadow (unseen) + Sequence needing missing piece = New Pattern

What do I need to do to it, to give it more life, to make it more a picture of myself? (279)

Everything I know, at any given moment – absolutely everything – is always summarized by some system of centers. (282)

Could I not make up a story … which gives them a special life … derived from the wholeness which is there? (284)

The main job, of any task, of creating centers, is always to melt away the division between things. (294)

A sequence works or doesn’t work according to the order of the steps. (305)  In the last post CA said there is no trial and error  (structure preserving creates strong centers by forces seeking 15 properties as a natural function of life generating life). In this section CA says that unfolding is really playing with arrangements in time with the content of the steps, attempts to find sequence of differentiation that generates a nice structure (319).  The distinction is that with trial and error there is error. With attempts to find sequence of differentiation, the process is a continuous sequence  that makes very subtle adjustments to correct adaptations, and the structure continues to stay preserved because each step continues to make the centers stronger.  The language CA uses states that nature always corrects itself, adapting to present circumstances. Conclusion: a sequence will not work only when it’s a man-made phenomenon. Can a philosophy which behaves like nature generate a solution within it’s own perspective then – whatever the perspective?  I know that has a hopeless feeling.  But really this means there are perspectives that allow for closer and closer approximations to the beauty of nature, and that is full of hope.

Lastly, the medium is the message. CA just injected subtly for the first time the word passage [I begin to feel a gradient - graded variation - in the passage from body to head and in the passage from boundary to body... (280)] How long will it take CA to expound and develop this direction?  He’s got my attention. He’s building tension! What is going to be brought forward?  Aaaaggghhhh. How many more pages will it take?